Monday, November 17, 2008

Existing Better - Being Good for Your Word

Well, if you were at our public gathering lastnight, you know that we wrestled with our yes and our no. What a fun interaction. I invite you to further our discussion here. Post an initial response of 200 words or less, then interact!

(If you weren't able to be with us, I invite you to the podcast.)

13 comments:

adam said...

This morning Kyle Ball and I shared an email interaction, and in it I remembered something very central to this discussion. Vern challenges us, "Under promise and over deliver." By this he means, give yourself more room in your commitment, then when possible, fulfill it quicker than you'd said.

I think this speaks to some of what Matt was dealing with last night.

Anonymous said...

I've been accused of being a very non-committal person. I've always thought that was a good thing. This way I wasn't promising and not following through. In my desire to be true to my word, I tend to just be very vague. How can I know for sure what my actions are going to be at some future time... a friend just he other day asked for me to promise something a full year in advance- how could I possibly say anything but "maybe"...
Last night reminded me of our guide in Israels constant use of the phrase "Lord willing" - I guess it gave him a way out... if something came up, and our plans were changed it wasn't like he broke a promise or failed to follow out on his word.... but he also was very non-commital.

Mikey T said...

I love being a man of my word. My word is a binding contract in my eyes. If I say I will be there I will. If I say I will make something I make it. Although, I do use maybe. I do tell people maybe knowing I don't want to or can't make it, so must later say no. I do agree though that when people tell me they will be somewhere or do something and do not, they in my mind lose my trust and respect. Being a person of your word is something I am dealing with with someone else.

Bryan said...

I've always been a man of my word and one thing I'm proud of. The hardest part for me has been committing to too many things and then burning myself out.

My dad is different, though, and to this day it's hard for me to know if what he says is really what's going to happen. There were countless times that I'd suggest something and his response would be, "That's an idea," showing certain amounts of enthusiasm. So, maybe I missed the obvious that this wasn't a committment, but once I heard him say that, it was good as gold to me. The more times he didn't do what he said (and with him being my dad), the more self concious I became and thought there was something blatantly wrong with me. This holds true now when others tell me that we'll do something and then not a phone call, text.....nothing. Eventually, this will push me away from someone and largely why I ended up coming back to Harvest again after going to Faith Chapel for a while.

The people I went with told me that we'd do something after church one week and I'd look forward to it all week when I was traveling. These were the few people I seemed to know outside of work, so if they bailed on me, back to me, myself, and I. After a while it frequently seemed to be, "Oh, something came up. My wife and I are going to spend time together. Such and such are going to go their ways tonight. What are you going to do tonight?" I was confused, angry to some degree, and pretty much in tears walking out of the church. There was truth to me saying I wanted to move back to Helena before meeting most of you, but the real reason was because I thought no one really cared if I were around or not and wanted to skip town. The only hope I had is maybe they'd remember me when I was gone.....

(Doh! Over 200 words again...)

adam said...

Mikey, so, when someone lets you down in this regard, do you stuff it or do you shoot straight with them?

adam said...

Michelle, bringing the "Lord willing" stuff makes for some interesting thoughts, thanks for stirring that up.

As "neat" as it was, I'm left wondering how functional a relationship that consistently employs "Lord willing" really would be. Also, does the notion actually drag God into our sin? Is it another way of using spirituality to make allowance for our wrong behavior?

Thoughts?

Mikey T said...

Adam, I shoot it straight with the people let me down if it is important to me. And I stuff it when the situation is not so important ( Ex. being somewhere to hang out.) Either way in my mind it still reflects if you are a man of your word whether it is hanging out or baby sitting for someone. I was talking to Josh on sunday and he ask if i wanted to come over on tuesday or thursday. I told him possibly tuesday I will call you. So, I called him and told him when I would be there.

Theresa said...

I can understand some of the Lord Willing stuff, but have the same questons that Adam has. I can understand that something might come up in a year but if it is a big plan like a wedding I think you take control of most situations to prioritize what is important to someone. If a world wide trip was planed someone makes it happen.
I suppose there is a ballance and self reflection on is the "maybe" is related to protecting themselves and keeping "their options open" vs. deciding how commited the person is to the people they are committing to.

Joe said...

What about being on the receiving end of someones word?

It seems like we all agree that it's important to keep our word when we say that we will or will not do something, but what about when we are receiving that from someone else? With the understanding and agreement that we are all in, does that mean we should be more understanding and forgiving (loving comes to mind) when people we know we can rely on have to break their word?

If I understand how important it is for Bryan or Mike to keep their word then I know that it's even harder for them to have to break it.

Shouldn't we give people the benefit of the doubt (out of love) when they tell us something even if they've failed us in the past? I think that's what Jesus would do.

Mikey T said...

I agree Joe. If I have to break my word. That sucks. And most definetly we have to give people the benefit of the doubt.

Bryan said...

I'm right there with Mikey (and Joe's understanding) that it's so hard having to break your word and that is the complete, last resort for me. If I have to do so, I won't feel at ease until I make it up to them.

Even if I've been burned in the past, if you ask me again for help, I'm more than likely not going to say no. The area that needs improvement in my life is the attitude I develop internally.

adam said...

Joe, you make a very good point! And it feels very much like Jesus.

Theresa said...

I agree with Joe, being loving and bottom line valuing people (which involves trusting people to keep their word)... and a question then comes to mind... so if I trust someone who has broken their word a few times to do what they said they would do; is it lacking trust to make a "back up plan" because of their history. Would Jesus just mindlessly trust over and over again, or be wise in planing for what might happen?